So I went thrift shopping today. Yes... I love to go thrift shopping and  I came across this thing. Only thing is I don't know what it is exactly. My plan was to use it for my cigarette smokers for their ashtray on my patio, but then I started looking at it and I really want to know what it is!
It's come to my attention that it's way more than an ashtray. Hell my daughter said "it's looks like a thing you keep people's ashes in". LOL! At least I hope it isn't an urn.
This has been on my brain like Kanye, ALL DAY ALL DAY! Help me!

"What up, what up? H Town in this bit*h! What up, what up? Me and Pump about to do it for the city! What up..."
-Drake (What Up)

Don't Bring 'Em Home If They Can't Use Your Comb

This write up has been in the works for a little over a month. This isn't the easiest to write because I personally have so much emotion tied into. People have their opinions, so I decided to write this from another's experience who would be just as passionate in her words about stereotypes and acceptance of her family.
 I got the chance to get some time of my older sister to ask her some questions. Her family is super adorable and guess what? They are just that, a family. Not a black family, not a white family, but a family. There's Chas, Tim, and their son Corbin.
Many black women refuse to date outside the race for a number of reasons. When you see an interracial couple, most people are still very judgemental. Why not talk about the stereotypes, dealing with acceptance, and the experience of interracial dating?

Victoria: Have you heard of the stereotype; white women that date black men are in it for the money?

Chas: I have literally never heard of this stereotype! There's some humor to it because I've known several white women who've dated black men and that never crossed my mind.

This one lady, Cathy, dated nothing but black men, we always joked that she wanted to be black so bad that she would give them HER money. Her last boyfriend Mark took her for all she had and it was such an odd pairing because he, as a black man, seemed border-line racist towards white people.

Another lady, Marlene says that she's only attracted to black me and just can't “see” herself with anyone outside of the black race. It's just her personal preference.

Victoria: In these times now, biracial couples are still being looked at as if love has a definition of what ethnicity is allowed to fall in love. Many say they'd never let their son date a white girl. Some feel it's a diss to the black man for a black woman to date a white man. As society shows us on television, biracial couples are ok, as long as they look like Jason And Kelly Pitts (BET, The Game).
For me personally, it's hard to be prejudice, because my ethnic background is so mixed up, but I love my black people. I love a black man, but if he's not crazy, got a smile, 6'0" or better ,respectful, and he's head over heels for me... I don't care if he's rainbow, sounds like a keeper to me but time and time again when an African American woman is dating outside the race, she's  called a “sellout” and are said to not be“black enough”.

Chas: I'm quite sure that this notion crosses some people's mind when they see Tim and I, along with Corbin. Knowing this does not bother me, only because we've been together for so long. The looks and stares are just not important to me anymore.

Rewind back 8 years ago: I intentionally looked for people who stared at us too long just so that I could 'hardcore' stare right back until they got uncomfortable. I was angry at the shear rudeness of people and this my 'revenge' on them.

Do I think of myself as a sellout? No. Tim was the first/only white guy I ever dated. It wasn't suppose to last. I'm not a sellout because his race was not the reason that I chose to continue my relationship with him.

I think that a sellout is a person who, given a choice would choose the (in this case) white guy of the guy of my own race (black). No, I remain with Tim because he was the first guy to show a desire to be in a long-term relationship with me, he wanted a future with me.

I don't consider myself a sellout because I liked having a boyfriend that loved me, I eventually wanted a future with him NOT a baby with 'good hair'. That would be selling out!

And I am 'black enough' because I love myself. Sure my natural hair gets on my nerves and I haven't gone to Africa to 'search' my ancestry, but how many 'us' have natural hair and have gone to Afric? Just because you stay dating in your race, does not give one “more blackness”. I think that being aware of where our culture came from and where it's headed is being “more black”.

Victoria: Acceptance when racism still exist can be a challenge. You've seen the remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinnner called Guess Who starring Bernie Mack and Ashton Kutcher, it was just as difficult to have the father of the daughter except this white male, but reality he explained as a father, no one will ever be good enough for his daughter.
Ashton Kutcher's character dealt with his white coworkers and boss accepting his black girlfriend. In the name of love for his girlfriend he quit his job. How has this experience of acceptance been for you all?

Chas: Our families were well aware that if they did not accept us, then they'd lose us! I was under no pressure to remain within the race, and neither was Tim by his parents. When I met some of his other family (cousins uncles etc...) I could tell that there was some discomfort but I knew that it was something on their part. I didn't make anyone uncomfortable; they made themselves uncomfortable. So when I thought of it that way, I was just fine with whatever they thought of me.

In the beginning of our relationship, one of Tim's childhood friends told him that he didn't 'really like black girls'. Tim told him “...she's not for YOU” and their relationship is basically non-existent now.

One of my best friends told me “I don't want you with a white guy!” that really didn't bother me, because I didn't expect it to last that long, but as time went by she realized that she was either going to accept it or lose me. She's still my best friend to this day and she loves Tim with all of her heart. I'm glad that my family loves Tim and I know that Tim's parents, brothers and sister love me just as I do them

It's daunting to have this 'duty' to show people that love truly is blind. I'm at a point with grown ups who can't accept interracial dating that I'm okay with leaving them in their ignorance. Let them swim in it, I'm not getting paid to change their perceptions.

"Take it or Lose me!"
-Chastity Alexis McGraw

The Universe Speaks Loud... but you don't hear it

Sometimes the universe has it's way of speaking to you. It's been a humbling experience down this road. I'm not sure if this is as far as its taking me but I know after my jobless experience, it's been a stressful ride and I only cried like 3 times, which 2 of those were out of anger. The 1 time I think I just needed to relieve some pressure...
By all means,  I'm able to be happy. My spirit is happy. I've lost some people along the way and that's cool. I wish them much peace and maybe in due time when I allow them back in my life, they'll be ready for me... Then again in this humbling experience I can just worry about today. Things I can't change, I won't fight. I'll just let it happen.
You can't change anything, it's easier to know that. Know you're going to do what the universe has in store for you, it's easier to grow like that. In the upmost respect of yourself and the universe, live as free as you can. The universe doesn't have a given time line and we can't hold on to tomorrow, better to live like that.

"I'm turnin' into a nigga that thinks about money and women, like 24/7. That's where my life took me. That's just how shit happened to go"
-Drake (Know yourself)

Cheater Cheater... why?

Do you get into a relationship to be with someone? I thought yes, but the question came up of , why cheat? Are you bored? Is it something you think you're missing? You know that 80/20 rule?
I'll admit, I've been a cheater and been cheated on. I thought cheating and admitting would get me out of a bad situation. Not the case, I felt like I was in a bad movie. Then I questioned, if I cheated and I told you, why torture me mentally? I thought, "You could just break up with me". I later found out that individual did cheat, did he admit it? Nope! He is that type that'll lie to his grave, as long as he never looks like the bad guy.
It's clear the flesh is weak, you become tempted. The individual that cheats can always have an excuse of why they did it. But the real question is, WHY?
As humans we are merely that, human. If you're a biblical type, Eve and the tree is a definite example. Adam is the example of "stop snitching". Lol!!
Seriously , we get into relationships and expect all questions to be answered. We think we'll  find ourselves, but we don't. It's not guaranteed that shit  can be worked out. Maybe, just maybe you're in that relationship that grows, then maybe again... maybe not.
My honest opinion, if you're dating and you cheat... that mf ain't shit. If you're married, realize you got married and in front of God and a whole bunch of people you may or may not like... and in this case in the words of Ol' Otis, "It's cheaper to keeper her"...or him.

"Mad cause he ain't like me. Oh you mad cause nobody ever did it like me. All the care I would take. All the love that we made. Now you're trying to find somebody to replace what I gave to you"
-Drake (Shot for me)

Your Tattoos Make You A Horrible Mother... Really?

Does your INK make you a bad parent? Are you unlikely to have a fantasy wedding with Ink? You have tattoos,  will your child get them too?

12 tattoos and counting, 10 years of raising a beautiful daughter, and I'm still a kick ass parent. Having tattoos as a female, people who don't have them or don't understand the art, can make you feel almost less of a woman/man/parent because of the tattoos. You have those that chose their tattoo position to strategically hide when they wed, but who says you'll get married? In my twenties, I don't see marriage in the near future (too many "I'm not ready" types), but whomever is lucky enough, he'll love the art too. Being a thespian and a student ambassador in undergrad, I mastered how to cover my art with makeup. Should I have to? No, but that was then. Now, if it doesn't put money in my pocket/feed my family, then the INK lives.

One famous parent, Mark Wahlberg in 2012 removed his tattoo of Bob Marley located on his shoulder, in hopes that he will deter his children. Let this be known, neither of my parents, grandparents, or uncles and aunts have tattoos. My oldest brother has one tat. I'm 1 of 5 and I'm the one with the most. Myself and my daughter's father are neck and neck with the number of tattoos. As a young child, Cailyn would take washable markers and say "look I have tattoos like daddy!". Now at 10 they amuse her as art but the pain she's aware of and isn't fond of what all it takes to get at tattoo.

"How many of our parents marriages lasted'. 

-Drake (Fireworks) 

Do you trust... again?

There is always a relationship  (friend, family, significant other) that makes you question your next move. Either they did or said something to put that wall up higher than The Great Wall of China. That person that has known you, can be the one to hurt you the hardest.   

Could giving someone another chance make you become a bigger idiot than them? Many feel trying to be the bigger person can make you mean because you never forget and you're always expecting that idiot to mess up again. 

Yes, one could say I'm contridicting myself when I say " let it go", but I'm sensitive when it comes to the heart. In the words of the late great Maya Angelou, "when someone shows you who they are believe  them, the first time". The heart is sensitive and the brain even more. You have 1 life to live and some people aren't worth being apart of it. Learn the lesson and carry on.

 When do you draw the line? Do you forgive and forget? Are you able to trust a person won't fuck up...again? Or is it instilled in their DNA and incapable of being a friend or loved one?

 "Tell me, how the fuck we supposed to stay friends
When you got a bunch of feelings that you don't show?" -Drake (Trust Issues)

Victoria's Pick Alert: New Online Store

Let's start off by thanking our sponsor today; My Grandma's Basement Resale, "Where the true treasures come from my Grandma's basement." Go check out their amazing site at My-Grandmas-Basement.shopify.com
From this great little online experience, I was able to my favorite product as Victoria's Pick. My Grandma's Basement is just starting up and ready for the spring. She has the cutest jewelry and even dishware. She customized this perfect drinking glass for me. Can't wait to drink responsibly in my Victoria glass.