This write up has been in the works for a little over a month. This isn't the easiest to write because I personally have so much emotion tied into. People have their opinions, so I decided to write this from another's experience who would be just as passionate in her words about stereotypes and acceptance of her family.
I got the chance to get some time of my older sister to ask her some questions. Her family is super adorable and guess what? They are just that, a family. Not a black family, not a white family, but a family. There's Chas, Tim, and their son Corbin.
Many black women refuse to date outside the race for a number of reasons. When you see an interracial couple, most people are still very judgemental. Why not talk about the stereotypes, dealing with acceptance, and the experience of interracial dating?
Victoria: Have you heard of the stereotype; white women that date black men are in it for the money?
Chas: I have literally never heard of this stereotype! There's some humor to it because I've known several white women who've dated black men and that never crossed my mind.
This one lady, Cathy, dated nothing but black men, we always joked that she wanted to be black so bad that she would give them HER money. Her last boyfriend Mark took her for all she had and it was such an odd pairing because he, as a black man, seemed border-line racist towards white people.
Another lady, Marlene says that she's only attracted to black me and just can't “see” herself with anyone outside of the black race. It's just her personal preference.
Victoria: In these times now, biracial couples are still being looked at as if love has a definition of what ethnicity is allowed to fall in love. Many say they'd never let their son date a white girl. Some feel it's a diss to the black man for a black woman to date a white man. As society shows us on television, biracial couples are ok, as long as they look like Jason And Kelly Pitts (BET, The Game).
For me personally, it's hard to be prejudice, because my ethnic background is so mixed up, but I love my black people. I love a black man, but if he's not crazy, got a smile, 6'0" or better ,respectful, and he's head over heels for me... I don't care if he's rainbow, sounds like a keeper to me but time and time again when an African American woman is dating outside the race, she's called a “sellout” and are said to not be“black enough”.
Chas: I'm quite sure that this notion crosses some people's mind when they see Tim and I, along with Corbin. Knowing this does not bother me, only because we've been together for so long. The looks and stares are just not important to me anymore.
Rewind back 8 years ago: I intentionally looked for people who stared at us too long just so that I could 'hardcore' stare right back until they got uncomfortable. I was angry at the shear rudeness of people and this my 'revenge' on them.
Do I think of myself as a sellout? No. Tim was the first/only white guy I ever dated. It wasn't suppose to last. I'm not a sellout because his race was not the reason that I chose to continue my relationship with him.
I think that a sellout is a person who, given a choice would choose the (in this case) white guy of the guy of my own race (black). No, I remain with Tim because he was the first guy to show a desire to be in a long-term relationship with me, he wanted a future with me.
I don't consider myself a sellout because I liked having a boyfriend that loved me, I eventually wanted a future with him NOT a baby with 'good hair'. That would be selling out!
And I am 'black enough' because I love myself. Sure my natural hair gets on my nerves and I haven't gone to Africa to 'search' my ancestry, but how many 'us' have natural hair and have gone to Afric? Just because you stay dating in your race, does not give one “more blackness”. I think that being aware of where our culture came from and where it's headed is being “more black”.
Victoria: Acceptance when racism still exist can be a challenge. You've seen the remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinnner called Guess Who starring Bernie Mack and Ashton Kutcher, it was just as difficult to have the father of the daughter except this white male, but reality he explained as a father, no one will ever be good enough for his daughter.
Ashton Kutcher's character dealt with his white coworkers and boss accepting his black girlfriend. In the name of love for his girlfriend he quit his job. How has this experience of acceptance been for you all?
Chas: Our families were well aware that if they did not accept us, then they'd lose us! I was under no pressure to remain within the race, and neither was Tim by his parents. When I met some of his other family (cousins uncles etc...) I could tell that there was some discomfort but I knew that it was something on their part. I didn't make anyone uncomfortable; they made themselves uncomfortable. So when I thought of it that way, I was just fine with whatever they thought of me.
In the beginning of our relationship, one of Tim's childhood friends told him that he didn't 'really like black girls'. Tim told him “...she's not for YOU” and their relationship is basically non-existent now.
One of my best friends told me “I don't want you with a white guy!” that really didn't bother me, because I didn't expect it to last that long, but as time went by she realized that she was either going to accept it or lose me. She's still my best friend to this day and she loves Tim with all of her heart. I'm glad that my family loves Tim and I know that Tim's parents, brothers and sister love me just as I do them
It's daunting to have this 'duty' to show people that love truly is blind. I'm at a point with grown ups who can't accept interracial dating that I'm okay with leaving them in their ignorance. Let them swim in it, I'm not getting paid to change their perceptions.
"Take it or Lose me!"
-Chastity Alexis McGraw
